The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you would never forget.
It just seemed like a good quote to ponder over until it actually hit me in reality a few months back.
I was not happy being surrounded by people who once were the closest to me and now had just seamlessly forgotten me. While I would try and come up with something to talk about, do together, it was rarely replicated – even worse is that I would only be remembered when they needed some help. Every day became a reminder of how miserable it is to have lost those people. I had recently quit my job (reason for which deserves a separate post) and thought that this can also be a ‘test’ (whether I’m out of sight out of mind?) – it proved what I already feared.
Now don’t get me wrong, some did (and still) care and I have let then down by isolating myself completely over the last month; and I’m sorry, I would try to make things better.
But what this break showed me was, after everything, all you ever have is yourself and nothing more. Everything, everyone else just comes and goes.